Although I was really on my way home when I stopped by here, at Vijay’s suggestion, I decide to delay my departure. He recommended that I repeat the retreat, which is coming up in a couple of weeks. Once the school has closed, he gives daily classes on spiritual texts to a group of brahmacharis whom he is training to lead retreats. Nevertheless, he still takes some time to answer any questions. I usually attend the student’s classes and likewise they join in on our discussions. In addition, an occasional visitor from Madras or Bangalore comes for a day or so and joins us.

All the young trainees are exceptionally bright talented intelligent kids in their late teens. Some of them, specially the girls, are unusually intuitive. Since their natural inclination is nurtured with the spiritual knowledge here, they certainly will have an excellent opportunity to live an authentic life. These young girls remember their past lives, even the details of their sexual activity, so they are not carried away with it now. In fact, they remember so much that they say that they are not interested in marriage. One girl saw that her son had difficulty weeping when she died, and her husband was actually relieved to see her go. So she is not eager to sign up for another forty years of cooking and housekeeping for that type of reward. When the girls start talking about marriage they are really hilarious because they really have some vivid insights. Even so, I remain the practical one and warn them that it’s a bit early to cut their options. “The hormones may get you yet,” I tease them.

One day Vijay tells me, “So you’ve been taking irregular steps: a little here and a little there; therefore, you have been making progressing even though you are not aware of it. You have been going to various seminars and retreats, getting some solutions and trying them out. So over-all you have come a long way. This is the only way a worldly person can function, along with their commitments, responsibilities, and jobs.

“To me, the best chance for enlightenment is in the thick of life anyway. One year you are intense, then you cool off. Then again you are at it, exploring in your own way. Actually, it is apparent that you have made progress because there is so much clarity in you—no matter what subject we are discussing. So tell me how many Nancys can you bring me? You see, it would be difficult to find another with your clarity and experience.

“You must begin to communicate and express yourself. The best thing is for you to attend the next retreat in Madras. That will help to give you confidence by removing some mental blocks and bringing up your kundalini energy. Remember vak (speech) and kundalini (coiled) are linked. So if energy is high a lot of expression will naturally be forthcoming.”

At that time we had been joined by a Swede, Freddie, who had been in my original retreat, along with the gentleman who actually owns “God’s Garden,” where the retreats are held. They want to know more about the kundalini, and of course I am all ears.

Vijay opens up with his wealth of knowledge, “Kundalini is the finale of all psychic phenomena, even physical disease. If the person’s kundalini can be tackled, any problem can be solved. That is why I tell people: Be functional, run a school, own a tea shop, whatever. To your karma [work] according to your innate talents, but with full awareness. So in the thick of life when you confront an obstacle, there is a chance you may get a satori, an insight.

“Subtle energy is a three-sided triangle: kundalini, breath, mind or insight. Whenever you have a mental insight, you change the kundalini and breath. If you change your breath, you touch kundalini and mind. So in the retreats we work on all three aspects together, this leads to transformation. A peak experience occurs when you have the meeting of all three.

“Maslow thought that you cannot have peak experiences at will. But you can have experiences if you maneuver these three. So western psychology does not have a handle on the kundalini, but we Hindus do. So that’s where the difference lies.”

We digress for five minutes’ discussion on Maslow’s system of human experience. Then Vijay continues, “Even such a simple thing as a change to a new environment can break up crystallized thought patterns and raise the kundalini. Europeans experience it when they come here, and Indians experience it when they go to America. People often experience a silence or bliss the first week. Again this is only kundalini phenomenon.

“To do anything big in life, even a Hitler, an Iococa, an Alexander, you need the power from kundalini support. Our best example is in the case of Mahatma Gandhi. He was virtually carrying the burden of the entire nation on his shoulders, so he needed a lot of kundalini energy for his brain to function at peak levels. One way to bring it up is through sexual stimulation. Now Gandhi was so righteous, he wouldn’t even sleep with his wife.

“You see, once kundalini is awakened, it has its own intelligence. It will find a way to get the task done, so this intelligence actually put the idea into Gandhi: You think you are such a celibate, why don’t you test yourself? Why don’t you prove it by sleeping with your young niece? She had told him, ‘I have no sexual thoughts.’ His logic was ‘so let’s conduct an experiment to test ourselves.’

“Then there were daily massages, therapeutic, of course, by young girls on his verandah. This all became a national scandal. Sardar Patel pleaded with him, but Gandhi insisted it was just a spiritual experiment. The truth is the kundalini was responding and maintaining itself at a higher level, so Gandhi could carry on his work.

“Gandhi was never aware what was really happening. His kundalini was strengthened, but he just kept saying, ‘I’m experimenting.’ But where was the need for continued experimenting. He had already proved his point again and again.”

“That must have been the same with J. Krishnamurti,” I venture.

“The very same. He was always holding hands with beautiful girls at meal times and even during the group discussions. He needed this kundalini supply in the brain, otherwise he could not keep up the energy. When creative power is drying up, it is one of the fastest ways to stimulate it. So it’s really a trap because they have to keep coming back to replenish the energy to keep up their level of achievement.”

“Is this always the case?” I question.

“No, not at all. It would be an individual thing. Then it would also make a difference if one were enlightened. The energy will not sustain itself until it has been ‘pinned up’ to the highest sahasra chakra, at the top of the head.”

After I attend the Madras retreat to get back on track, the next step is to assist Shankar with the retreats. I am really looking forward to working with him, for he is a great facilitator. He knows his material; he knows the techniques—but the main thing is he really cares about people. He and Vijay have been friends since they were small boys. Shankar’s mother tells me that one day, when they were in their early teens, they came home and announced to her that someday they were going to do something to make a positive difference in the world. She sees the retreats as the realization of that goal.

His mother also told me an interesting good Samaritan story about Shankar, which is quite informing about the India milieu. Around Madras, he is known by Dr. Shankar, as he holds a Ph.D. in physics. Before he started the spiritual work, he worked in the scientific community for several years in Germany. Last year, he had noticed that two young scrawny children were always hanging out at a tea stall near his home. When he inquired he found out that they were actually living in the little square of dirt in front of the stall, awaiting the mood of the owner, who occasionally tossed them some bread. Upon finding out that they were orphans, Shankar took the responsibility of getting them placed in a local orphanage. This was possible only because his grandmother had founded the orphanage in the 1920’s, so they accepted the two street children because of his familial connection.

In the meantime, the children’s relatives found out that some “Doctor” had taken them and immediately began protesting that it was for some dark purpose and that he going to sell their kidneys “in the foreign” for lots of money. Not cognizant of the fact that Dr. Shankar was a Ph.D. physicist, not a medical doctor, they actually filed a complaint against him in the court.

Fortunately, again Dr. Shankar had family connections in the courts too, for his father had been a famous attorney who had dedicated his life to working for the poor. Therefore, the judge gave Shankar a fair hearing. Afterward, the judge had the staff of the orphanage bring the children to the sidewalk outside the courthouse, so the relatives could verify that the children were alive and well. Then they were whisked away back to the orphanage without further ado of emotional upheaval, since the relatives did not have any desire to make contact with the children. Their interest was in sharing the U.S. dollars Dr. Shankar was sure to have made. As usual, the many faces of India have both light and dark shadows.

In any event, I definitely feel honored working with Shankar, for I am sure I will learn a lot. The retreats are set-up to enable the participants to have a spiritual experience that will give them the faith to continue in their spiritual orientation in life. Many Indians have been repeating mantras, fasting, chanting—all types of spiritual disciplines all of their lives—but they have had no real spiritual experience. So the purpose of the retreat is to provide the sacred space and some techniques to have a breakthrough. Many of the participants, particularly the elderly ones, have beautiful experiences with very little encouragement. However, the majority do not. So by the second or third day, if they feel they are stuck, we start working on their “mental blocks.” That’s where I come in.

Mental blocks, or knots of the heart, occur when we say “no” to life. Naturally, many are laid down when we are young simply because of our miscomprehension of the circumstances. So I am able to help the English speakers, who are in the majority, unravel some of their misconceptions and hurts.

The Indians are incredibly open and honest in revealing themselves. The stories I hear over the next couple of months would break your heart. Their encounters between their traditional life and the modern methods produce saga after saga of stress and frustration. For the sake of the participants, I prefer not to reveal the particular stories. However, in general, many people persist vividly in my mind. The gentleman whose wife had immolated herself with kerosene while he was at work. The elderly banker who had to take all the bank books home every night to do all the entries to cover for the low-caste clerks who refused to do any work. The daughter-in-law who had to cook for the joint family even when she was ill. The son who was forced to marry so his mother could have a free servant in the home. The boy whose father beat him with a belt because he was not as smart as his other brothers.

Incredible stories; incredible people. Because they find that I am easy to talk to, I become personally involved with several of the young people. The burdens that these young people have to bear to be able to score the best grades, to get the best paying jobs, to marry according to the family’s best interests. In short, they are being forced by their families to live a life not of their own choosing. Of course, I realize that there are thousands of happy young people who are generously supported by their families—both emotionally and financially. These retreats attract people with problems. As expected, the participants are all upper castes, the majority are Brahmans. Remember, that’s the caste that has the most rules and duties!

Often when some mental blocks are cleared, the person experiences a powerful insight or even a beautiful blissful states. Some have wonderful breakthroughs. So my monthly trip to Madras turns out to be a very rewarding experience. On the last day of the retreat, all the past participants would come for a reunion. I cannot describe how these people had changed. You could not even recognize some of them; their faces were so light and bright. This was occurring in a period of one or two months. It was phenomenal.

I can honestly say I have never experienced so much love. Do we even know what love is? Even if we feel love, we do not really know how to express it. We tend to use sex as our only expression. Instead of saying “the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak,” Christ could have said, “flesh loves flesh.” Flesh moves toward and connects with flesh, and we call it love. No wonder we often feel cheated, and continue looking for connection. Somehow our culture has not separated the different kinds of love. In both the ancient languages of Sanskrit and Greek, there are two separate words for love: people love and divine love.

In the future, whenever I feel unloving, or unloved, I will always remember the moments I spent in the meditation hall with these special people. I will know I have experienced real love at least once in my life. I truly love life, and I love life on this planet. There are so many lovely places I want to visit. For example, I want to see the hummingbirds and orchids of South America. Yet, sitting here in this meditation hall, I feel so complete, so content. I feel I could sit here for ever and ever, and never mind missing those orchids and hummingbirds.

After each retreat, I would return to Jeevashram to consult Vijay about any issue that had come up during the retreats—and to rest up. Unfortunately, I was finding the retreats quite physically exhausting. I would go through them fine, but afterwards I would crash, mainly due to the lack of sleep. Not only because the woman’s quarters had become quite crowded with participants, but because the energy was so high I found it difficult to sleep. After one retreat, I was even ill with a fever, cough and had totally lost my voice. Fortunately, I found the correct homeopathic remedy, so I cured myself overnight.

Of course, when I return at Jeevashram school, I keep needling Vijay. How does all this beautiful phenomenon happen? He just kept telling me that it’s all in each person—their total history and their total unfolding. Our role in the retreats was only to provide the environment and remind everyone of their true self.

Finally, I had to face the fact: Vijay is the Wizard of Oz. Instead of using a stage and screen, he is several hundred miles away. Even so, he and Shankar are creating an environment where people have faith in themselves. . . and things happened in the energized positive ambiance.

In the meantime, the kids return from school vacation, so Vijay is less available for discussions. He personally gives all the children classes in religion, and takes that duty very seriously. He teaches them something of all the major religions. Interestingly, he sees them as different facets of a perfect truth. Each religion emphasizes a different aspect of life: Islam has its strong moral foundation; Christianity focuses on the development of the heart; Buddhism develops the understanding of the mind and the spiritual path; whereas the Hindus are masters of the states of consciousness. He described to me how the children had wept tears when he told them about the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.

In the evenings before dinner, the brahmacharis and I always join Vijay for discussions. Since the time available is short, they are more informal. We tend to discuss India phenomena—the realities here are mind-boggling—and endless.

Instances of sages bringing people back to life from death here are rare, but they do exist throughout India’s history. Besides the case I already mentioned with Satya Sai Baba, I was also told of a case with a Sindhi sage. Vijay explains to us how it works. He says that a dead person can be brought back to life if the astral cord has not been severed, which is normally up to three days. What the sage actually does is concentrate so powerfully that he sucks the astral body back down into the physical body. The person then returns to the physical, so it appears as if the dead have been brought back to life. However, they were never completely dead.

All the Indians, residents and guests, join in the story telling, while I remain agog—with my tape recorder on so I will not miss anything. One person from Kerala describes how the women there know how to produce a temporary stand-in. For instance, a young mother may be dying who has a small child. She will manifest out of thin air a nurse maid to care for and protect the child until he or she is grown. Then the stand-in dissolves back into the ethers.

Another recounts that the Namboodris (a Brahman caste in Kerala) have a secret technique of animating a dead body. For instance, if a man dies suddenly who has to be present at a function or needs to sign paper, the priests revive the body, so that it appears to function normally to the unsuspecting. The person has no intelligence; he may be able to answer yes or no, something typical of a simpleton. The family will cover for him saying that he is feeling ill today. If he is a religious man, they can say that it is his habit to always observe silence on this particular day of the week. The man does the necessary task and then they leave him to rest in peace.

Another area in which the Hindu sages excel is healing. Traditionally in south India, a person was not considered a true guru unless he could heal others. The siddhas (miracle workers) of Tamil Nadu would use bark, gum or roots of a specific tree to heal any and every ailment. When they died, they were buried under the tree and a small temple was built over them. The Salem and Vindhaya Hills were particularly known as a place one could go to find a siddha for healing. A small hospital in Madras uses the prescriptions that have been collected from various siddhas. Many knew how to communicate plants so that they could make a seed grow into a foot high plant in less than an hour. A variation on the theme is in Orissa. At an annual festival, the local siddhas feed thousands of people from one pot.

While it’s true that the phenomena occur more in south India, particularly in Kerala and Orissa, everyone everywhere has some personal “siddha” story. I particularly liked the one about an American, who was the director of an American bank in Calcutta. He was embezzling a sizable sum of money. His clerk, an Indian, found out about it and confronted him. The director fired him on the spot for insubordination, but the employee refused to leave. So the American consulted a Bengali siddha. Afterwards, the Indian clerk started hearing the words whispered in his ears: “Get out. Get out.” It nearly drove the poor fellow mad so he had to leave.

Just like anywhere else I have visited there is always a thread of the personal reality along with the spiritual life. My first month had been exceptional. But I definitely remember the first leak in the dike of Shangri-la. Before the children returned from vacation, the school principal sent out a letter to the parents in which was included a comment that there was an American woman at the school who was advising them on nutrition, so they could improve the quality of the meals. I do not know who came up with this idea, but it was not true. So I take it to be a hint of something that I can contribute. Immediately, I prepare a list of a few practical simple suggestions that are appropriate in our rural setting, including sprout salads.

At that time, Vijay’s wife was responsible for the kitchen. She was livid at what she called “interference.” From my point of view, it was hardly interference. Then there was the incident when she slapped a couple of girls until their faces were purple because they left a class early when their teacher did not show up. She got angry because I asked them what had happened and consoled them—real angry.

She is quite admirable in many respects. She is a very talented woman and a great boon to the operation of the school. Her coordination of the field hands, the orchard pickers, and the labors of any construction project is awesome. In addition, she personally cooked food for us during the school vacation, which allowed us to sit and discuss philosophy all day. She tried to get okra for her extraordinary okra curry at least once a week since I loved it so. Actually, her cooking was the best food I have had during my travels. Of course, no one can beat Usha’s cooking when I am at “home” in Pondy. Furthermore, she was personally kind to me. When I came back from Madras once with head lice, she patiently combed through my hair, so I would not have to use the lethal shampoo to kill them.

Vijay is quite verbal about the importance of women on the planet. He never criticizes his wife. Well, he did say once that if she needed any improvemeent that she was a smart women, she would figure it out for herself. Several of our conversations have centered around women. He has the traditional Indian point of view: woman is goddess.

One day he commented, “Throughout the world, throughout history, in whatever society, man has put woman down because of his superior physical strength. So we can say the physical has dominated. That is why man has not transformed. This is humanity’s greatest blunder. Woman has the intuition and she must be the teacher. But throughout history, in whatever culture, you find men are the teachers. So something has fundamentally gone wrong. If women were to lead spiritually, the world would be transformed. So men must learn to follow the woman. But if you say that in public, people get incensed. Men will reject it. Even some women won’t accept it either.”

I mention, “Yes, it was quite disappointing in the suffrage movement to find so many women were against women having the vote—even Queen Victoria.”

“See, what I mean. Part of my focus is to regain the balance. That is why at this school we are focusing more on the girls, with the hope that they will become the teachers. I believe the women must lead the way. Likewise, men should follow her example and advice. This means the man’s relationship with his wife must change.”

“Interestingly, during in my travels, I have noted that there are quite a few men who will consult their wives before they embark on a business deal. To obtain a more intuitive point of view,” I comment.

Vijay rejoins, “I’m glad to know that; it can make all the difference. Often someone comes and tells me, ‘Sir, I have a financial problem.’ I tell him: ‘If you go back home and treat your wife as a spiritual being, as a spiritual partner, I give you a guarantee, all your problems will be solved.’ Six months later he comes back and tells me, ‘You were right. It’s all solved.’

“So attitudes toward women must change. The truth is that if you treat a woman like a spiritual teacher, she becomes that. In fact, whatever you treat a woman like, she becomes. Her behavior depends on how you treat her. Treat a man with all respect and love, and he won’t change an iota. Give that same respect to a woman and she will transform.

“I have one girl here whose parents dropped her off declaring ‘she is a useless girl.’ Today she is a different person, but it is very difficult to transform the boys. It is much easier to work with girls and women. You just treat them as spiritual beings, from the heart, and they respond. Do the same thing to a boy or a man and there is simply no response. I’ve witnessed it again and again.”

Another time, he brings up the subject again when several families are visiting from Madras. I do not know if he knew they were having marital problems, or if he just assumed that in India, there will be inequality.

“Men have physical strength, while women have the mental/emotional strength. That’s actually why women live longer; their strength is more of the essence. Change in the very structure of our society has to occur. Today you look at any advertising—from razor blades, coffee, alcohol—a woman is always present to associate the sensual with the product, even men’s products. So women are constantly fed with this erroneous self-image. So man has pulled the woman down and fallen with her,” Vijay comments.

“Woman must be redeemed from her traditional role as a mere housewife, laborer, secretary. Man has to look after her. He has to put her up on a pedestal and make her his Guru. Here in India, we do have the tradition that the woman is spiritual, so men do get the point. But this is just not possible in the West because you do not have the model there that we have here. The woman may have been liberated in the Western countries, but she still does not have the respect she deserves.

“Unless man brings about a transformation in the psyche of the woman by putting her on a pedestal and suppressing his male arrogance, there is no hope for mankind. I am quite clear about that.”

These comments opened the couples up to discuss several of their particular problems. Vijay never seems to get involved with the nitty-gritty of the situations; he just gives them the general format and they have to apply it to themselves.


Then one bright day, the bombshell hit. Vijay came up with an idea that we could have three times as many participants at the retreats. The buildings—which are already crowded—could be divided so that we could have three separate groups. Shankar would take the Tamil speakers, I would lead the English group, and the brahmacharis who are in training could handle the Telegu and Hindi speakers. I remind him that Shankar and I have already complained to him that we honestly are not effectively dealing with the fifty people who are now attending. True, part of this is due to the language problem; we always have at least four distinct language speakers in every retreat. I maintain if Shankar and I, plus a couple of the brahmacharis, are not able personally to handle fifty now, then if will be virtually impossible for one person to do so.

In addition, the kitchen facility is so small that the food is mediocre. Even serving tea or coffee is not possible. I always feel sorry for the participants who are having headaches from caffeine withdrawal while Shankar and I are happily sipping hot spiced tea during our breaks.

“Besides, the printed material emphasizes the benefit of a limited number at each retreat. So what about integrity?” I reproach Vijay.

“Integrity?” he bellows with a disdainful grimace. “Integrity—that’s a silly American thing. We play life looser here. We just can’t get uptight about these details.”

I was completely overwhelmed. The Wizard had come out from behind the screen and exposed himself to be someone I could not deal with. That evening as we sit out on the lawn, I tell Vijay that I have decided it is time for me to go home. He seems to be all right with my decision. Then suddenly, he comes to attention, “Does this mean that you will not attend the Madras retreat next week?”

“I will attend the retreat. Shankar is counting on me, and I certainly won’t let him down.”

I lean back and look up at just as a flock of eight white cranes are winging their way across the pastel blue evening sky. They had been a daily spectacle when I first arrived here. Then in the heat of the summer they had disappeared. Tonight they suddenly reappeared to bid me farewell. The cycle is complete.